Tuesday, January 23, 2007

State of the Union Point by Point

Warning: The following State of the Union response is dripping with sarcasm and indignation. It was done in real time, so it is not necessarily grammatically correct.

Also, there are 30 instances of clapping and/or standing ovations. That works about to be about one standing ovation and/or instance of clapping every 1.7 minutes in a 50 minute speech


I really hate politicians. Watching as Katie Couric called it, “the cocktail party atmosphere” it is clear that none of them have our best interests at heart.

A standing ovation? What the hell? All he has done is stand there and look stupid.

Aaah, Bush is a champion of womens’ rights. What a crock! I like Nancy Pelosi, but please don’t patronize us. Alright, let’s get on with it. Noah’s clapping, what kind of child am I raising? Time to sell him on the black market so he doesn’t turn into a little Republican. (Just kidding)

8:15 Wow, perfectly choreographed. Cheney looks like crap. This nation has prosperity? There aren’t any jobs. Oh Lord, here starts the clapping. He’s worried about our children’s futures, but won’t acknowledge global warming. I don’t care what he says, we don’t have a growing economy. Wages are rising, where, in India? More clapping, bullshit! Three economic reforms:

1) Balance the federal budget that he unbalanced, without taxes (more clapping and standing ovations, what the f---? Spending discipline, where is this man president. Within the next five years? Hey, don’t we have a war going on? I guess I’m a little confused.

2) No more earmarks. Who cares? More clapping, just kidding. Seriously, more clapping, because he wants to reduce the amount of earmarks by half.

3) Entitlements – Social security, Medicare, etc. Glad I have a 401K stewing because Bush wants to save social security. Public schools, I guess that’s why Bush went to private school. NCLB is a success apparently. How revolutionary! None of the school teachers or educators I know think that it is a success.

Noah was crying, but Bush must have declared himself dictator because he just got another standing ovation.

Two new healthcare initiatives:

1) Tax deduction for those with health insurance. An equal playing field for all Americans. How does he propose to fund this? There must be some sort of Republican junta that pledged to clap for everything. Small association health plans, better information technology, flexible spending accounts, price apparency, and of course, medical liability reform so the physician isn’t penalized when he accidently removes your liver because he thought it was your heart.

2) Immigration – Oh here we go. Temporary worker program. Suddenly the Republicans aren’t applauding. Verifying workers at construction sites, goodbye industry. John McCain looks like someone just punched him in the eye. No amnesty, now no one is happy. Why the hell is Nancy Pelosi standing up? There’s old “Botched Joke” Kerry.

We (dddissruptions) are held hostage by hostile regimes (like the Saudi family that he is such good friends with?) Renewable energy and newquler (sic) energy.

8:30 Once again, perfectly synchronized. We are going to reduce gasoline usage in the U.S. by 20 % in the next ten years. Perhaps someone should tell the military since they are the world’s large consumer of petroleum. Doubling the capacity of the SPR. More clapping… Where does he propose to turn Alaska into a gigantic refinery.

Here’s the part, where he tells the Congress that they better approve all of his judicial nominees or he will kill them. Some booing. How annoying. Every time they mention national security they show Michael Chertoff. Why is Nancy Pelosi standing up again? Don’t stand up you pathetic wench! Once again he is attempting to link Iraq to 9/11, but at the same time, saying there is no link. Another standing ovation, for God’s sake. Stupid look and fake accent. How in God’s name is this man our president?

Alright, “Demonizing Muslims time” Muslims are pure evil that want to impose their will on everyone. Iran bashing time, let’s kick their ass. Hizballah eh? That worked out well for Israel this summer didn’t it? Once again, no delineation between Islamists and regular Muslims. Going to the grocery store should be fun tomorrow. If these people don’t agree with Bush, why are they clapping. “Arrrgh! I say, for the sake of our own security, we must convert all Muslims to Christianity I can’t believe that he is using Afghanistan and Lebanon as examples of democracy. More clapping.

Are we antagozing Iran and Syria now?

Iraq War section 8:45

“We can still shape the outcome of battle and achieve victory.” Another standing ovation. Re-enforcements will be promoted here. The Iraqis are not yet ready. If not now, when, I wonder. Another 4,000 Marines to al-Anbar province, more clapping. Probably because their brothers aren’t going to al-Anbar province. I wonder if he realizes that al-Anbar isn’t the province that Baghdad is in? Securing Baghdad is top priority. If the U.S. pulls out, the government of Iraq will collapse. Epic battle between Shias and Sunnis across the Middle East. More clapping and of course, a standing ovation. Claire McCaskill, sit your blonde butt down and Bush quit smiling. This is not a smiling matter. It is our lives, not yours, ordinary Americans someone you are painfully out of touch with. More clapping and standing ovations. In short, we are never leaving Iraq. Ever. If you don’t support Bush, you don’t support our troops. More clapping, small standing ovation, more clapping, big standing ovation. Nancy Pelosi, you are driving me towards libertarianism. Respectful yes, pushover no. The United States is using the U.N. more clapping, standing ovation, Condoleeza Rice just rolled her eyes, what’s that about? The UN we blatantly ignored when we went to war in Iraq. Now, Israel, North Korea, Belarus, Burma, and Cuba, Darfur, another standing ovation, clapping. Holy crap, we’re declaring war on a lot of countries. “To much is given, much is required?” Now we’re declaring war on HIV AIDS Africans. He won’t provide condoms but he has saved 50,000 lives. Expanded debt relief more clapping. Oh wait, not for student loans, for other countries. Now he is talking about a Houston Rockets player. Another standing ovation. Wow, Dikembe is tall. He could probably stomp some political ass. Wow, the Baby Einstein lady. The great enterprising spirit. Bush More clapping standing ovation. Wesley Autrey, a true hero. I bet he didn’t really say the thing about freedom. Nobody even acknowledged the black man in the gallery till now. SO and clapping. Army guy, Rehman silver star winner, clapping for himself, seems odd. SO and, you guessed it, more clapping. Correction, we are an honorable country, he is not an honorable leader. The final standing ovation and clapping.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Perfect Turkey Salad

We roasted a turkey last Friday. I brined it for 48-hours before I baked it and it turned out so perfect and moist. Of course, you can only eat so much plain roast turkey. Therefore, I have created the perfect gourmet turkey salad recipe for turkey leftovers. The ingredients are all approximate and I used the best possible ingredients available.

7 c leftover roast turkey, chopped in a food processor
2 c mayonnaise (best quality available)
1 tb whole grain mustard
1 tb lemon juice
1/2 c dried cranberries (apple-juice sweetened)
1/2 c roasted sliced almonds
4 tb celery (finely chopped)
4 tb green onion
salt and pepper to taste

Mix together. We buy rosemary italian round bread from the local bakery. However, I realize that not everyone has that option. Therefore, any good bread such as a fresh baguette will do.

Anyways, in other news, for the record, I cannot wait for the LSAT to be over. I am really tired of it. It is never easy to study for the LSAT, but with a sinus infection it is even worse. I think I'll watch Family Guy instead of studying for the rest of the night. Of course, when I get my disastrous results, I'll be thinking, "Geez, I wish I had studied for the LSAT instead of watching Family Guy." I'm rambling. After two pointless posts in a row, maybe my next post will be worth reading. On the other hand, I did include a really great turkey salad recipe so maybe all is not lost. If anyone tries this, please let me know. I think it is good, but feedback would be appreciated.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Happy New Year!

Hi there! It has been way too long since I have updated this blog. I have so many people I need to e-mail and call and just haven't done it (if anyone of those people are reading this, I apologize). Between a sinus infection, the holidays, studying for the LSAT, having oral surgery for my orthodontic work, and Noah having an ear infection, I have barely had time to think, let alone write. However, one of my resolutions for the new year is to update my blog at least once a week, and I will do it, even if they are short posts. Derek leaves for Iraq in about a month, and I take the LSAT in a month, and Noah has a birthday, you guessed it, in a month. I will post more tomorrow...