Saturday, August 26, 2006

I really hate this time of year

I really hate this time of year. It is so busy, the students move back into town, and inevitably good friends move away in pursuit of higher goals. Once again, I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks because I have been so busy. Erik started fall classes so everything around here is busy. Last week, I co-hosted a party for my friend and co-worker John, who is moving away to attend the University of Chicago, and one of my best friends, Dusty, is moving to NYC to attend Teacher's College at Columbia University. I am stuck in Kansas for yet another year. I'm starting to think that I'll never escape. Don't get me wrong, life is good right now, but I am ready to do something towards pursuing my career. It is easy to go to work, come home and not have to study, and have family fairly close. However, if I am ever going to get my doctorate, I am going to have to give that up because I can't do what I want to do around here. It will be hard, but I think it will be okay. Also, having Derek in the military will make it easier for me to move because at least if I move away, it probably won't be to my peril. I seriously doubt I would get killed by an IED at Cornell (yeah, it's probably a pipe dream I know, going to Cornell that is) although in this day and age, I guess anything is possible. Sometimes, I really hate change.

Then, as if this time of year weren't bad enough, when the days get shorter, cloudier, and cooler, my seasonal affective disorder kicks in. Fortunately, this year I am on Zoloft so I hope that it will curtail any major effects of the season. I hate the fall, and I hate the winter. I really think I should move south. Too bad everywhere that I want to go is pretty much northeast and/or Canadian (aka University of Toronto, brrrr, likewise with Cornell).

Then, about a month from yesterday or the day before, Ramadan will start. Due to being pregnant or nursing, I haven't fasted in two years. It is going to be really hard to get into the swing of things. I really love fasting. It clears my head and makes me appreciate the little things like having food to eat and clean water. However, the days will be longer for this Ramadan than they have ever been since I have been fasting and the time change won't happen until after it is over. It is said that God locks up all of the Shatans (devils) when Ramadan is happening. It is a lovely sentiment and I am always at peace during Ramadan. Of course, that could be my brain digesting itself (har, har; sorry God, just a little Ramadan humor, please don't smite me).

I have always wondered though, if all of the Shatans are locked up, then why is it that Muslims do bad things during Ramadan, like blow innocent people up? Wouldn't it be evil that causes people to do that? I thought the Shatans were locked up? Does that mean that God wants them to blow people up? That would prove the insurgents theory that God is on their side. Maybe he is, I don't know, but I certainly don't think so (on the other hand, he's certainly not on the U.S. side). Or, is it because people are inherently evil and it has nothing to do with devils. Or, it could be that there simply is no God and I am just wasting my time covering my hair and starving myself one month a year. Sometimes that seems like the plausible explanation for all of the trouble in the world. For some reason I don't accept that theory though, even though I think it sometimes. I need a higher power in my life. Sometimes I just don't know in what form. Oh well, I guess that's all part of my ongoing jihad. I'll figure it out eventually whether I want to or not. I sure hope God has a good sense of humor...

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